If you were to peel back a painting of mine layer by layer, the world would keep changing. You would find out that each layer has its own main character and its own world. Born from my emotional colour palette in that moment. I create art in the moments when I need healing and the memories of my soul ask for an image. As soon as I confess the first colour and let it move on my canvas, a portal opens in my heart. A journey of healing and remembering begins.
My painting movements always start smoothly. But the more layers, worlds and soul aspects I paint, the deeper I nestle into the roots of the source of my true self. On the way to the darkest shadow that can be illuminated at that moment. I go deeper and deeper, until my movements become trapped in a vacuum of stillness. Moving is no longer possible, the brush is now my worst enemy. Through my deep still waters I have arrived at the shores of my shadow. My emotion calls to me, still hidden under the sand. See me, feel me, love me! Everything in me resists. The sand that is still covering the emotion feels so heavy. I try to feel and move her. But my brush no longer wants to dance on the canvas.
The healing process will start as soon as I dare to let go of everything I painted so far. While sitting in the sand, looking out over the infinite deep waters of my soul, I arrive in the silence of my love. Everything inside me is still, calm and empty. After a few deep breaths I start feeling the sound and colour coming through the portal of my heart. My heart hums its sounds into the shadows, when finally my emotion is showing its true colour. I need all the colour, so I need white. In white all colours come together, so I decide to invoke the rainbow energies. Through my chakra system I feel the rainbow light flowing deeply to the roots of my tree of life.
I start merging all the layers with the new colour that wants to bring light to my shadow. All layers already painted, may now rest in the true colour of this transformation. My canvas starting to lose its colours and turns white again. White is what I need right now. I have ended up in nothingness, the nothingness where creation is born. The silence in myself is in complete surrender and the emotion I feel is ready for a transformation dance on the canvas. As soon as my brush hits the canvas, I feel my roots go even deeper into the Earth. The serene white takes me to my lungs. Here, in the shade, a source of old grief awaits. I see myself as a little girl undergoing an indescribable act. A memory that I already know, but may be lighted again with my love. My inner child does not feel safe yet. She needs more love from her mature protective self. I feel the depth of the pain again and calm my inner child with my love.
My stone dike of resistance breaks open and my river of life begins to flow. The tears begin to clear me up and give light to this old familiar shadow. I feel that the journey back to Earth has begun. My dear child from now on I will ask you every morning what you want to do today and what you need to feel safe. I will acknowledge and love your pain. Come on, take my hand and let’s begin our journey back to Earth together.
Together we paint ourselves up again from the depths to the light. Our love light has found its way into the shadow of the memory. After many layers of healing paint, we are now peaceful and winged on Earth, ready to ascent in joy. We look up into the sky and see three Hawks flying above us. They connect me to the true sun and allow me to view the memory from a higher perspective. My inner smile appears because the divine light makes my heart so happy. The old has made way for the new. New higher energies are starting to pour in. From my higher perspective I now see clearly what wants to be born on my canvas. A land full of love, a land where anything is possible, a land where my inner child feels safe. We call our new land Loveland.
Loveland is born and my higher heart full of wonders and infinite childlike joy has opened itself.
The next morning I wake up and, as promised, I ask my inner child; “What do you need my love, to feel safe and happy today?
She said, let’s go sing in the woods! And that’s what we did, that day and all the days that followed. Thus, many children’s songs, children’s art and children’s books were born.
My innerchild and my adult self have a question for you; does your innerchild feels safe and loved? If you want to heal yourself and expand your consciousness, start by healing your innerchild. They are the best guides we can ask for, because they remember what it feels like to experience life through the eyes of your higher heart of wonder. Heal the pain of your child and let them guide you playfully towards your true soul path.
Love to you all, Qizenna & innerchild