My journey

Nederlandse vertaling

Ever since I was a child I have had the feeling that something was not right in this world. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one. I had trouble connecting with others. What the adults told me often didn’t match what I felt inside. The only “things” that I really experienced as pure and true were the natural and animal worlds. I could easily connect with these realms, which is why nature became my safe place. I experienced the first awakening that slightly opened the door to my golden source center in the year 1995. A year earlier I had read two books that touched me deeply, Barefoot through Australia, a story about the Aborigines and the Celestine Prophecy, a book about energy, the laws of nature and synchronicity. After reading these two books, three questions arose; “Who am I, what game am I in and why am I here?”

These questions activated a spark of light in my heart and energy began to move. Which triggered a dream in which I experienced myself as a rainbow butterfly creature of light. Together with many other butterfly light creatures I flew over a magical flower island. Now I know it was my source within, illuminating my new direction. The next day, I decided to give up my job and home and follow the butterfly creature dream. I went to the travel agency in town and asked the woman behind the counter if there was an island known for its flowers. She herself had just returned from Samos. The Greek island known as the Flower Island. In my heart I knew I had to go there, so I bought a one-way ticket to Samos, and off I went, on my first heart-guided adventure. This journey became my first experience with synchronicity and learning about the world of energy. In the now 2023, I know it was the activation of my matrix program Athena. My stay on the island of Samos and the city of Athens was magical and heartbreaking at the same time. I got back in touch with my feeling, heart consciousness and the mystic in me awakened and at the same time I was violently raped twice. This was the program Athena, which is present in my eighth house of death. Aquarius. And the program Nessus of course, rape, violent and murder, that is present in my ascendant, my first house. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, your asteroid map shows you what programming is present in your element and organ system. If you would like to know more, connect with my dear friend Lalita and have her chart your personal asteroid programming. You will see your whole life reflected in it, wonderfully beautiful.

Until the year 2012, I experienced several awakening moments. Especially during my nature walks, my travels and during my training as a shiatsu therapist. I knew my heart was never wrong, but beyond that I knew very little. The holographic essence of the 3D earth matrix incarnation loop game and the many rabbit holes were unknown to me. I knew something, because as a child I had a very scary reptilian creature in my room that wanted to rape me energetically at night. But at that moment I didn’t understand what it was. And I knew something about the lies within the banking system, but that was about it. So when the door to the inner path of truth opened in 2012, I quickly discovered the many layers of mind/trauma manipulation and rabbit holes of lies. While at the same time, the memories of past lives surfaced. But in 2013 my awakening journey really took off, with many bizarre experiences. All were gifts, seen through my eyes in the now, that have brought me to the peaceful observing state of awareness in my harmonic source center from 100% self-love for all that is and that I am, today.

In 2013 a reptilian shapeshifter crossed my path, with the power of his hypnosis I disappeared into his sexual movement where this reptilian/MK ultra man, a serpent-like something, inserted in my yoni. I literally felt two snakes enter through my feet, they merged in my yoni and upon arrival in my head, my head popped apart, and I found myself in a black dark space, experiencing myself and the reptilian as a scaled bizarre scary apparition like a dragon creature. At this moment, a program was magnetized, and an experiment started, which eventually led to a whole series of bizarre experiences and my organs becoming very sick. This false light kundalini experience caused me to fully open my crown chakra into the dimension of the reptilians and move out of my body, making me susceptible to all the New Age deceptions that are holographically projected through the chakra system into our consciousness, to deceive and mislead us. Due to lack of self-confidence, self-love, need to be seen, to be special and desire for identity, many of us, including myself for a long time, keep looking outside ourselves. We think we’re on a journey inward, but we don’t really get home in our body instrument, our source and heart consciousness. Our body, is where the elemental system is present, with which we can weave all layers in the programming back to the harmonic zero point of oneness, in order to demagnetize all programs and open the inner door to home, the void. I know that now, not back then, of course.

After this reptilian experience, my so far acquired truths suddenly no longer hold. And a series of unexplained illnesses followed. Looking back, I now know that it was the activation of the asteroid program Aesculapi. My life in a lovely village near the shores of the Ocean came to an end in 2014. My getting sick, the new direction of my source and the activated program caused me to lose my job and home.

Since the “wake up” explosion in 2013, my body was sick, trauma experiences from past lives and this life continued to surface, and in the past year I had to move twice. The lawsuits I went through due to the loss of my house were of course very unfair and therefore energy-consuming. In addition, my body experienced two miscarriages in that same year. The fetuses were needed for their breeding program, DNA experiments. The matrix loves to experiment, as you know. So you can imagine that in 2014 I was physically exhausted. But a soul with good news was already on its way. An acquaintance of my lover at the time was interested in a free energy project that he was working on with his buddies. The man told us that he had bought a piece of land in the Ardennes, but he didn’t know exactly why. He felt he had to buy it. And asked us if we wanted to manage it, so we could live in the caravan for free. His offer came at the perfect time.

The man who presented us with this great opportunity was not just anyone, I knew him and his wife from a “karmic past life”. In the now, I know that these past lives of so-called “karma” have been deliberately layered into a program to distract us, slow us down, and make it more difficult to weave the program back into the harmonic Source Center, where it loses its magnetizing power. The program showed me that there was karma between him and me. I had been his slave for several lives, and so he had something to make up for. Weeks before he came along, I had a vision of a magical place in the forest. With two beautiful lakes. And guess what? When we got there, it was exactly as I had seen in my vision. Awakening can be hard work, but the magical moments make every step you need to take to set yourself free, worth it.

In the forest I could finally breathe freely. No more system, and no longer caring for others, finally peace and time for me. In 2014, my then lover and I landed in a caravan somewhere in the middle of the Belgian Ardennes, far away from humanity. Synchronicity and ancient karma (programming) had brought us to this magical place. We, as lovers, had a lot of trauma karma illusion programming from past lives to dissolve. What, was not clear at the time. In the years that followed, this karma became clear. Being in the middle of the woods was a great place to work on the programming between us. And of course our own individual unlocking of the matrix programming. The most important thing for me was that I finally had the peace and space to work on my health. My sick body that just didn’t want to heal. Despite the many ways I knew in that moment, such as shiatsu, color healing, breathing, support with vitamins and mineral powders, healthy eating etc.

Every day I meditated for at least 3 hours, invoking and anchoring the many “higher energies” in the hope that it would initiate the healing process. What I did was drain my source light and move myself further away from my body. Of course, I didn’t know that then. I enjoyed interacting with the galactic family in the different dimensions. Many voices and beings came through and told me the craziest things. Exactly what my spiritual ego wanted to hear, LOL. Too many experiences to name them all here, but will highlight a few.

I was a princess in the dimension of the Mantid beings. Had a husband and parents there. I energetically had sex with my Mantid husband at that time, and it was heavenly, so I no longer longed for earthly lovemaking. My so-called mother, the Queen, came to pick me up for a joint mission in The Hague. They were robotic insect beings, which I then reflected back to myself from my love, as loving and magical beings. Looking back, they tapped my source energy, that’s what they did. Also the angelic council of 5 who suddenly stood around me and told me that I was the New Earth Goddess. In that moment I could perceive my field as a kind of computer motherboard made of light. They gave me my green sword of light. Then Mother Earth spoke to me and confirmed that I would become the New Earth Goddess. Thus my consciousness flew from dimension to dimension. During this dimension hopping, the confusion grew with each new experience. But my lack of self-love and spiritual ego, longed for an identity and wanted to feel special, and therefore kept magnetizing it. I found myself in “inner earth” and worked as a kind of high priestess in a crystal cave, where I healed every conceivable appearance of galactic beings who were injured through my hands, light and the water. Similar experiences passed by in the “dimensions” of the Pleiades, Sirius etc. And so there are more such experiences as a healer in other dimensions and on ships. In yet another experience, I was picked up by a small ship and taken to a light school in a city of lights, a physically visible light ship appeared above the caravan, physically paralyzing me in the caravan and observing myself having heart surgery in the ship. Of course, at the time I thought it was my galactic light family. They came to help me. No, they came to delay my process and implanted a new program. Again and again I felt myself getting lighter, but my organs just wouldn’t heal. My body was still sick. One day I saw the forest change to a screen with only pixels and as I looked at myself in the mirror I didn’t see myself. There was nothing, nothing at all. I couldn’t even touch myself. This became a major turning point. The confirmation that the Earth is essentially holographic was a relief, but at the same time I thought I was going crazy. And after all that so-called healing incoming higher light and frequencies, surely there should be a change in my physical health? I decided to let go of all I ever learned and everything outside myself and to connect only with my own golden source light, heart consciousness and body instrument.

My physical healing began after this decision. With my eyes open I perceived a golden orb, I felt in that moment that it was my golden light and that I should take it into my heart. The shredded golden source light that had lived outside my physical body for a long time and had become detached from my harmonic source core. I had been out of my body since the reptilian shapeshifter experience. After this I decided to only talk to my heart consciousness, source and body. Finally, I became honest with myself and saw through what was happening, I sought the light, the love, the confirmation that I was special and all the wisdom outside of myself. Opened myself completely to the New Age deception and because I couldn’t see then that everything I needed was already there within me, as a connected golden source being. Now I know that all those Galactic experiences, and so called light/frequency anchorings, were there to drain my source light, separate the drained light source particles from my body instrument, weakening my body and causing me to experience many “ascension symptoms”. We need to go deeper, not higher. All this so that I wouldn’t discover that the way out of this game and the way to my inner wisdom, source of love and healing were already present in my body. They did a good job of deceiving me, but thanks to this New Age deception, I am now where I am. The 12 dimensions are part of the hijacked Matrix whole, the Earth is the center of this game. And our body is the instrument where everything takes place, where all programming is present. The whole New Age deception is aimed at getting you out of your body, so they can constantly drain your source light.

I started to heal when I decided to only talk to my source, my body and my heart consciousness. I found the cause of any discomfort in my physical body in trauma experiences from this reset and trauma experiences from previous resets. The pain of those programmed trauma experiences had lodged itself in my organs. New ways of healing awakened in me. For several months, I consciously began to “talk” to the consciousness of my organs every day, asking the organ what it needed. Each organ needed its own golden light source symbol, geometry, movement and sound frequency. In this way I finally managed to reset all my organs one by one. My body felt better than ever before. Purified, anchored in harmony and self-love. After that I was never sick again.

From that moment on, my inner physical investigation into the essence of the system of this Matrix game began. Years later, it is completely clear to me and I now share it for all who resonate. In essence, it is actually very simple to detect and demagnetize programs that are active so that a repeating loop is no longer triggered. Although you must be willing to take an honest look at yourself and weave all the separations you encounter in the programming, which is nothing but lack of self-love, back to the wholeness that you already are in the essence of your golden source. And that requires work and perseverance. Without 100% self-love, complete detachment from identity and desires, you won’t get there. These are very important in the process of coming home to a constant state of peaceful harmony. But anyone can do it! Also come home to the wonderful feeling of detachment in your emptiness, where the door opens back home. Get familiar with the feeling of nothingness by listening to this journey into the void guided by my dear friend Lalita karoli.

Recently, I have transformed my own experienced self-healing trajectory into a 3-step Element Journey that benefits everyone. You can download it for free, HERE. I also share my experiences, new discoveries and new source movement, through my blog and on my YouTube channel.

I hope I inspire you on your awakening journey with the content of my website, and if you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Much love,

Esther Qizenna


  1. Lieve Ester, dank voor het delen van je reis waarin ik zoveel herken. Nu ik uit de grot van duisternis ben en als een embryo in de ruimte zweef, de ruimte die ik herken en waar ik me zo intens vreugdevol voel, ben ik heel benieuwd of ik ook heldere herinneringen krijg aan de periodes die ik op verschillende planeten door heb mogen brengen. Ik krij energiestromen door mijn lichaam als ik aan Casiopea denk, maar heb daar voordat ik je leerde kennen nooit eerder aan gedacht. Vond het wel altijd het meest fascinerende sterrenbeeld.
    Heel veel liefs, Marianne

    Veel liefs

Geef een reactie

Het e-mailadres wordt niet gepubliceerd. Vereiste velden zijn gemarkeerd met *

error: Content is protected !!